Sunday, October 17, 2010

Bad to worse

Bad to worse!
Incredible as it may seem, things are getting worse for me!  You would think that the suicide of my son David would be as bad as it could get.  But last nite it got worse!  Much worse!

And the most terrible thing is, that I cannot even tell you what happened!!  Because there are legal obstacles that prevent that telling.  In fact, I am going to have to get psychological and emotional therapy and advice before I am able to even begin to tell you what is going on.  And legal advice from a good attorney as well. Can you believe it?

I am scheduled for an appointment with a shrink this coming Monday morning.   Man-O-Man!

I am able to tell you that as a result of what is going on now, that I am under additional tremendous trauma with even more stress then before.  I have hardly slept more than a few hours each nite, and that was before this bad-to-worse thing began.

Early this morning, around 3am, I returned to John Muir Hospital emergency in order to obtain a prescription for a new sleeping pill.  My old prescription was for Ambien, and this pill did not work for me!  The same doctor who prescribed Ambien for me on October 9th, did some research on the hospital's computer and came up with Temazepam for my insomnia.  I sure hope this stuff works.  One of my close relatives is taking Temazepam and she claims it works for her.

I am very fortunate that my oldest friend, David D, has come thru for me with great support during this terrible time in my life.  David D has been a lawyer for over 50 years.  I do not know what I would have done with out his help!

2:30PM - Update
Guess what?  The new sleeping pill worked soooooo good for me!  I slept for 6-hours last nite.  This is more sleeping time than I have had for the last month.  Isn't that great?

I've been received a ton of email this morning, and read every one of those messages.  Also, I've read all the ShoutBox posts with advice for me.  One over-riding theme of these messages is that I should return soon to Mexico and MsTioga.

I want you to know that it would not be a good thing for me to return to Mexico and MsTioga immediately.  There is going to be a get-together for David here at his home on November 6th.  I want to be there with all of David's friends, acquaintances, co-workers, foster kids and tennis partners.  I've learned since this tragedy happened, how much admired, respected, honored and loved David is.  As David's father, I want to bask in the glory of David's remembrance on November 6th.

David's home
There is a moment in time out there in my future.  I am moving thru time toward that moment as surely as night follows the day.  A taxi will pull up in front of David's home.  This will be my taxi that will carry me from David's home to the airport.  On that day I will return to Mexico and my beloved MsTioga.

I will go out David's front door, and pass thru that moment in time.  Never to return again to David's home!

David lived his life in this home since December, 1999.  This home where he built a life of love and support for foster kids in Contra Costa County.  In 2003, David built a gorgeous swimming pool solely for the enjoyment of his foster kids and their friends.  I will always remember David in the hot tub with a bunch of neighbors and his kids.  Sharing that tub with his kids was perhaps his favorite thing.

David upgraded his home, and much of the upgrades were done by his own hand.

  • Kitchen counter with ceramic tiles
  • Kitchen floor with ceramic tiles
  • Two upstairs bathroom floors with ceramic tiles
  • Gorgeous wood floor covering the entire living/dining area, the stairs to TV room, all of the TV room and hall way
My heart is torn when I think that when that moment in the future comes, I will leave forever all this work and devotion that David put into this home.  Including the zillion un-mentioned things that David built all by himself for his home with his own two hands!

While I am spending this precious time before that final moment living here in my son's home, I feel close to him.  When I consider simply leaving here, and rushing back to Mexico and MsTioga, that consideration at this time is unthinkable to me.  I must wait patiently, doing the things that I must, until finally, inevitably, I pass thru that moment in time and leave David's home forever.