Monday, December 20, 2010

It will all work out

It will all work out
In my son Dave's suicide note he wrote in part, "...Please don't be mad or grieve excessively. It will all work out."

Oh, how those few words have troubled me! Oh, how angry I have been recalling this advice from my dead son! How could Dave have written these words to me? I have said to myself over and over, that it is not you Dave, who is working things out. It is those you left behind. It is me who has to work it out!

This morning I was going thru the 2009 pages of my blog searching for pics of Dave to transfer to my iPod. That is when I came across one of my own blog posts where I gave that same exact advice myself.  I knew instantly, that Dave had picked up his "It will all work out" advice from reading my own blog!

So, when I have been railing out my frustration with Dave's suicide words, I was actually angry at my own words.  My very own ironic words written on October 7th, 2009! [link].

Note: Today marks the third month that has passed since my son Dave died on the 20th of September. Three months! Seems like much more time than that to me!

7AM - Adding Mac to our intro
This morning Mac, our newest TiogaRV Team member asked me, "When are you going to add me to our Team Introduction page?"  So, I did it! [link].

12 Noon - Weng near Bakersfield!
Weng and the family driving the RV Fish, are coming close to Bakersfield, California.  The fuel system so far is holding up OK!  The family is thinking that they might spend the nite in Barstow, California.

Husband Francisco is hoping to see the lunar eclipse tonite! Maybe way out in the desert near Barstow, the sky will be clear of California's storm clouds?

7PM - Am I obsessing?
I just glimpsed at my blog for the past month, and nearly everyday I've written about Dave. Am I obsessing about Dave? Do I come across glum in my posts?

I actually feel really good.  Everyday I've been eating out.  Also shopping.  Not usually buying, just browsing.  However, this afternoon at the Ross-Dress for Less store, I did buy a very nice Calvin Klein black cotton knit sweater.  Heavy weight for winter wear with long sleeves .
My new sweater!

11:45PM - Eclipse of the Moon!
Little Mavicita and I went out into Dave's backyard.  We looked all over for the Moon, and could not find it.  Then we looked straight up overhead.  And there it was!  A very, very dark Moon!

Little Mavicita tried her best to capture the eclipsed Moon.  But the Moon is soooooo dark.  We feel very lucky that the skies over Concord, California actually cleared up after so many days of rain so that we could view the Moon's eclipse!
Little Mavicita captures the eclipse!