Sunday, December 12, 2010

My life in Dave's home

My life in Dave's home
I'm making a rare "second blog post in the same day".  The subject of this second post compares my present life in Dave's home, with Dave's final months in this same home.  Dave's own home.

I'm making this post separate, because I don't want to dilute my writing on this page with my regular blog post.  Link at bottom of this page will take you to Post #1.

Since the tragedy of my son Dave's suicide began to unfold during the last two weeks of September, I have been living in Dave's home.  I have been strongly impacted by living in this home.  At the same time the tragedy of Dave was happening, I realized that I was enjoying Dave's home a huge amount.   Because of this enjoyment, I was at cross purposes with my grieving which was going on at almost the same time.

Can you imagine what was going inside my head at this realization?  Dave had killed himself because his life was so unbearable, that he believed a suicide ending to his life was for the best.

And now I found myself having a wonderful time:
  • Living in Dave's home
  • Working in his office
  • Cooking in his kitchen
  • Cutting Dave's lawn
  • Raking Dave's leaves
  • Soaking in his hot tub
  • Driving his wonderful Acura car
  • Shopping at his Safeway store
  • Cruising the streets where Dave used to cruise

This afternoon I went for a drive in Dave's car, bound for the Sizzler salad bar in the City of Concord.  As I drove down Ygnacio Valley Road in the City of Walnut Creek, I was struck by the beauty of the trees turning color.  This scene was soooooo gorgeous, that I pulled the car over and let Little Mavicita capture the tree color.

It struck me then, that the beauty that I now saw in the changing color of the leaves, was something that I would not give up for anything.  And yet, my son Dave while living in the exact same place that I live now, gave it all up. My brilliant, fun-loving son.  One of the best men I ever knew.  He gave everything up! Can you imagine that?
George today at Dave's home

Changing colors on Ygnacio Valley Road

Note: This is blog post #2 for December 12, 2010. To go to blog post #1, click [here].