Wednesday, December 15, 2010

One meal

One meal a day!
Have I mentioned to you that I'm now eating only one meal a day?  Hmmmmm?  It's true!  In my Values and Goals, my "Health Value #5" stated "To never over eat" [link].  But I never achieved that goal.  I always over ate!  My whole life I over ate.

Of course eating like I am now has changed my waistline a lot.  My tummy is not so paunchy as it used to be.  And, when I bought two pairs of pants here in California a while back, these pants were 34s for the first time in many years.

What changed that allows me now to eat less, when I always ate more before?

I have to confess that I do not know for sure.  But, I am able to tell you that I hardly eat food for comfort anymore.  And I used to do that "comfort food" thing a lot.  Something deep down changed.  Something in my emotional sub-conscious mind changed.  I wonder what it was?

"...but I was tiring of it all anyway.."
Another few words from Dave's suicide note:  "...but I was tiring of it all anyway.."

I know that it's been 2-1/2 months since my son Dave killed himself.  And I am still going over his suicide note.  However, that must be how things go with dads who are left behind in cases like this.  I must be like all those other dads.

I just do not comprehend how my son who had a wonderful life, could let it all go without putting up a fight!  I think that Dave must have lost perspective.  Dave needed an angel, like in that Jimmy Stewart movie "It's A Wonderful Life".  But no angel came down from heaven for Dave, as happened in the movie.

April 1978 - Main Eel River!
Decades before MsTioga would meet George, there were adventures!  And those adventures often included my son Dave.  We have plenty great adventures to recall and cherish.

During the spring of 1978, Dave and I headed north out of Walnut Creek, California, bound for the Main Eel River north of Willits, California.  Our plan was to run the river beginning at Dos Rios where is located the confluence of the Middle Fork and Main Eel Rivers.  Our shuttle vehicle was a tiny Honda motorcycle with a 50cc engine.

We arrived at Dos Rios during mid-afternoon, dropped off our two inflatable kayaks and all of our river gear.  I left 12 year old Dave at Dos Rios, and took off for Alderpoint [our take-out], 88 miles one-way distant.  Before this shuttle began, I never made the calculation how long it would take to return from Alderpoint to Dos Rios riding the tiny Honda.  The little motorcycle had a top speed of only 25 miles/hour!  It turned out to be a four hour return trip!  I returned to a somewhat angry son Dave, at around 9pm.  Wow!  I felt sooooo guilty about that bad mis-judgement.

We had provisioned our supplies for a 4-day, 3-nite trip.  We carried an ice chest, camp stove, tent, sleeping bags, tarp [for rain] and a ton of food.  The river scenery is good on this run.  No roads parallel the river.  Only a railroad train goes by a couple of times a day.

The largest rapid on this run of the Main Eel is Island Mountain Falls, an 8-foot vertical drop.  I had little experience reading white water at that point in time.  When we got to Island Mountain, I recall telling Dave, "I'll take a look and tell you which way to go".  Prophetic advice from me, the novice river runner.

I went down the falls and came out of my boat immediately.  Then swam downstream over a 1/4 mile holding on to my rubber kayak before coming to shore.  Dave seeing my dreadful error going over the falls, paddled safely down a side-channel, and found me downstream about 15 minutes later.  Luckily, we had lost none of our provisions!

What a great trip!