Wednesday, February 07, 2007

The Ultimate Diversion
I love to be with others and love to be alone. How may these two divergent extremes exist in me? I am now both gregarious AND a loner? How is this possible?

For the past several months, especially since my birthday last November, I have been changing my environment so that I am not distracted by sounds and sights that are artificial. During my stay in the hospital, while other patients listened to radios and TVs, I looked at the walls, their colors, their imperfections. I listened to the nurses talking in their office. Heard the baby crying down the hall.

All of these things that I was doing because it is my firm belief, that I should be wonderfully happy simply being. I should not have a need for something to stimulate me, such as a football game on TV.

Inside MsTioga, I rarely watch a video anymore, and I have dozens onboard. The XM radio is usually off, and no music played. It is the "sound of silence" that I crave. Because with that silence I am able to feel everything that is going on around me.

Exploring this world of simply being with others.
It is my desire to try to be simply being with others. For example, two friends should be able to be with each other without the constant need for chatter. An idea comes up then discussed. Then each thinks about what has happened between them. Perhaps these two friends simply sit in the garden in silence, sharing the experience. I hope to try this with Michel the Photographer when again we next meet! That should be an interesting event for him!

I have to admit that it took me months of trying to understand where I was heading. Since the beginning of my journey as Tioga George, I've been going in this direction without really having depth of understading. Perhaps I have now crosssed some barrier?

I now find that my Ultimate Diversion existed in my mind all the time! And now that I am enjoying mine soooooooo much, I find that it is not a diversion at all. It is the real thing.


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