Saturday, April 28, 2012

Knowing myself

10AM - Knowing myself
Long time readers who have a good memory, may recall that I struggled with psychological/emotional issues most of my life. It was not until September, 2003, when a post appeared on the forum, that I finally got a lead about what was going on. You may read that post by clicking [here].

My problem was that my behavior was controlled by what went on in my subconscious mind. I did not know why I did the things that I did. Back then, my behavior included being: judgmental, critical, opinionated, argumentative. I was a real bummer to be around!

And then I read the above linked story. How could all of these readers write these wonderful things about me?! At that time in my life, most people found it extremely difficult to even be around me, let alone like me.

It took me months of trying to answer this question before I found the answer. And the answer was: when I was face to face with others, I was the judgmental, etc. person that I wrote about above. However, when I posted to forum and my blog, I edited out all of these rotten characteristics of mine.

It would sometimes take me an hour to prepare a post back then. Now, that same post might only take 5 minutes. Why the difference? Because it took me all of that time back then, to identify the bad things that I had written and change them into what I knew to be the right way to relate to other people.

All of my life, up until reading that post I did not understand what was going on. I used to say to myself, "I know that I am bad, but I cannot be THAT bad". In truth, back then I was THAT bad.

After the monumental collision with myself in September, 2003, it took me years of constant effort in order to condition mind to be the kind of person that I wanted to be.

I am one of the luckiest people that I know. Without the catalyst of that one post, I am sure that I would have never found out who I really was. And, I would never have been able to make the changes that have been responsible for turning my life completely around!

12 Noon - Why am I being so open?
You may be asking yourself, "Why is George being so open here in his very public blog?"

The answer is: I believe that one of the biggest problems we face is being open about ourselves. Being closed about what is going on inside means to me, that we are ashamed of revealing our true selves to others. Without being open, our problems are extremely difficult to resolve. Likely, impossible to resolve.

My son David very likely would be alive today, if he had opened up and confided in others.

2PM - Battery tie downs
This afternoon we installed battery tie downs in Mr. Sunny's solar battery bank. That meant that all six batteries had to be moved out on MsTioga's carpet. Moving those beastly batteries is a tough job for me. However, I was very surprised that I handled this battery moving job much better than I did two years ago!

Even Little Honda got into the action when we needed 120 volt AC power to run our hand drill motor.

You may be wondering why Mr. Sunny did not have battery tie downs before today. Beats me!
You won't see this often inside MsTioga!

Jorge and Little Honda

7PM - The best thing!
It took about three hours to do the battery tie down job. After finishing, tools and materials were all over MsTioga. In a short while, everything was back in place. MsTioga was neat and tidy once more.

The best thing about putting all the stuff away, is that there is a place for everything. It has not been like that inside MsTioga for a long time. We let our housekeeping slide. But no more!
Evening view from MsTioga's bedroom/office

Note: The [Evening view] pic above is very large. Click on it and when it gets big, click on it again and it will get even bigger. Use your right/left/up/down arrow keys to scroll.

Mostly cloudy